If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize