tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
