She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize