anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
They are going to name an STD after you.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Dick very happy bro
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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