My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
