So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
