its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
