i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We need a shit load of segways right now
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
