My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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