I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
