I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
