How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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