Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
