I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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