She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
