You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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