Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
