Do you still have your period?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
