Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
