The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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