at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
