I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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