After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
nutella sex= disaster
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
