Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
