I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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