I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize