Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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