chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
