Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
