Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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