CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
