I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
