she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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