i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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