Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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