oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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