tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
