Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
