I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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