how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
