toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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