It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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