Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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