Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
