found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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