i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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