he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
