i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
