Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
