She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Fuck me I smell like cheese
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
