I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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