Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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