Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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