hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Are we still banned from the library?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
