I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
