My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
