Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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