i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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