I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
