My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
