i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
