if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
