She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Can I color on your dick again?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
