So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
