We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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