DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
