I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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