Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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