I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
