Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
