You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
