i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
