I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize